Buckling down

Well, this is currently the biggest that I've ever been weight wise. I know that I've had a lot of my plate recently (get it?), but that isn't an excuse. I talked with my friends Kelsey and Katy (who tweets here) over the weekend and decided that I really need to focus on my health and get back into shape.

Part of that is diet, of course. And I don't mean "dieting" per se, but eating healthily and with purpose. Not snacking, or eating out, or getting coffee each morning. The coffees that I love are frappuccinos and mochas, so it's not black coffee or something that might have some benefit.

Yesterday I hit the gym at the new Planet Fitness in my neighborhood that I joined, and I'll be going after work today as well. When I was a Senior in high school and lost 75 lbs I did it by walking for an hour each day on the treadmill after school and watching what I ate. Time to do that again!

I've come to realize that I yo-yo with my weight. That has been hard for me to admit to myself, but it's the truth. I've been literally 100 lbs lighter than I am right now. Under, actually. A 100 lbs weight range is not a healthy one. Obviously I don't want to get down to what I was before, but under 200 would be ideal. And totally doable.

Robert is working out every other day or so, and I am going to make that commitment as well. I really want to push myself into getting healthy again. I'm not comfortable in my own skin at the moment, and none of my clothing fits, so it's time to make a change.

I've done it before and I can do it again! The trick, though, is maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not letting myself slip back into old patterns and become unhealthy again.

Wish me luck!

24HR Fitness Girl

Today when I came into the gym the girl at the front desk asked "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" I responded "Lay it on me", thinking that it might have to do with sexuality or maybe mutual friends. I didn't really know what else it would be about. She asked "How much weight have you lost?" I responded with "47 pounds." She told me that she could definitely tell and when I walked out of the gym 2 days ago and was watching me and noiced that I had gotten "so tiny!" I was all excited to hear that. It made my day, actually! It's always nice to get positive reinforcement like that.

-45

I am officially down 45 lbs! So excited about that since it's a huge difference. I have 10 lbs to go (exactly) until a major weight goal, then it's only 25 more lbs (possibly) until my ultimate weight goal.

Eating right, veganism, being off sleeping meds, exercising a lot and taking multivitamins and supplements has all combined for that -45, plus motivation and diligence. I am no longer eating home-made french fries or chips + salsa because I know those are binge foods for me. I can't have them and just have a little. Since I know my limits, though, I know it's a good thing to stay away from them.

10 lbs! I'm so close! :D

Doctor & Eye Appointments

I went to a new doctor today and really was impressed with her. I hadn't been to one since last year when my parent’s insurance switched from Kaiser since they moved. My antidepressant RX finally expired and it snuck up on me since I didn't get the regular E-mail reminder from Kaiser to make a check-up appointment. I didn't realize the RX was expired until I tried to fill it again and so I needed someone immediately. I called about 15 places yesterday and one was able to get me in today!  The next closest appointment was 3 weeks out. I'd be in full blown remission at the point.

The doctor that I saw was nice, accessible and friendly. She gave me a RX for a year out for my medication, which is a long one. I love that. I also had my blood pressure taken, which was normal. Because of my family history she wants me to have my cholesterol checked, so she drew up a lab for bloodwork that I can just walk in and take care of anytime soon that I'd like. How easy peasy was all that?

I'm going to go next week and get the bloodwork done. I'm glad my blood pressure is normal and it'll be a good peace of mind to have that other stuff checked as well.

On Saturday I'm going to have my eye prescription updated, though since I dont have optical insurance it'll be out of pocket. That won't be too bad at all and I'll be able to use that RX to order some inexpensive glasses from a cool site I found online. I'm excited for that. I'm wearing a backup pair right now since my main ones finally gave up the ghost and these backup pair are missing one of the nose pieces. No one can tell but it bothers me. So glad I'm getting all this stuff taken care of!

Insomnia

I really should be putting my insomnia to better use by working on something constructive. So far this night i've watched a documentary, jumped from topic to topic on Wikipedia, texted with my friends until they all slowly fell asleep and then have laid here. I don't want to "work" on something per se because then sleep definitely wont come. I feel like if I'm just laying here with a general sense of apathy sleep might somehow overtake me.

I think the insomnia is a combination of my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), metacognition and guilt. Sometimes I can't seem to remove myself from thinking about sleeping. It's the classic catch-22 in that I know I should be sleeping, so I start to think about what would get me to sleep and start thinking about how long it's taking me to actually fall asleep. I think "Am I sleeping yet? Am I closer to sleep? What physical sensations am I experiencing?" All while the clock ticks by on the wall and I'm thinking "If I fall asleep now I can get 5 hours sleep. But if I don't fall asleep for a half hour I only get 4.5. Thats not enough!" . By thinking about the problem it exacerbates it. In all actuality, thinking about sleeping to begin with and labeling it as a "problem" could be a self fulfilling prophecy. How I envy my mother who thinks there is a problem if she is not asleep within 30 seconds of laying down. She describes falling asleep literally within seconds of her head touching her pillow.

The guilt is from not treating my body well with sleeping patterns. Although I don't sleep during the day and I don't sleep late, I always feel guilty when I am not able to fall asleep til 4 or 5AM. And on tonight it's only worse. What I am mainly worried about is staying up late and pulling all nighters affecting my metabolism. Studies have shown that people who do not get enough sleep or are sleep deprived have slower metabolisms, higher body mass indexes, get sick more often and can have impaired cognitive functioning. (Um. Duh.) I don't want anything to get in the way of me losing weight. Or getting the rest I need for that matter.

Irregardless, tonight is a wash rest wise. Although I havent expended any real energy I'm going to be exhausted today since I havent slept since Saturday night. And that sleep was troubled and I woke up groggy and wanting more. I am excited, though, because I have the Diana Ross concert tonight. That should be a lot of fun!

7 lbs down!

I weighed myself today and was super excited to see that I've lost 7 lbs since the 10th! :D

I've been doing at least 1.5 hours of cardio each day and then watching what I eat. No meat, fast food, coffee or soda. Today I did 2 hours of cardio so I felt pretty good about it. I know that I'll be able to do at least 10 lbs this month, which will be pretty cool. The ultimate goal is 80 lbs so I only have 73 more to go!

I'm on my way to a date right now. I'm a little nervous, but that's always how it goes, yes? If I wasnt going on this I would be spending my time poolside and at the gym.

Yesterday I did 3 hours of cardio and today I am going to do light weights and then 2 hours cardio. I've been way motivated for the past week. And coincidentally enough this is one week of being meat, fast food, coffee, pop and alcohol free.

Vegetarianism

So I am giving up meat for the summer. (Feel free to insert gay pun here). I've been looking at the health benefits of doing it and its very interesting to see that there is a marked difference in health between those who eat meat and those who do not. I'm starting tomorrow, actually, and have a few buddies that are going to keep me on track. I gave Whitney my chicken nuggets (which she was all gung ho about) and am not buying any more meat for the apt. I am going to continue eating some fish and eggs though. Thats mainly just in the form of tuna sandwiches, since I get a lot of protein from those. I know that eating just fish and eggs is called pescetarianism, so that's technically what I will be doing. I am also switching over my milk to a plant product rather than animal milk. There are some good options out there for that so I won't miss regular skim milk.

I'm excited to start this. I think it's going to help me be more conscious about what I am taking into my body and eat healthier in general. Plus I am trying to make more food at home recently so this will help with that.

Speaking of making more food at home, I am going to go buy a wok later today so that I can have round deux of making Thai pineapple fried rice. It was very vapid, but I believe that is because of how I prepared it. The last time I prepared everything separately since I didnt have a big enough pan and then added it into a bowl but thats not what the instructions call for.

I think this will be a good endeavor to get me thinking more about how healthy my food is for me and give me something new to try at home. Im hoping it goes well!

I am also starting:

- No alcohol [except on my vacations to NYC and Las Vegas]

- No eating out on my own or getting to-go food on my own

- No eating after 8pm

- No desserts

- No coffee or frappuccinos

- No soda [including diet]

- Trying to eat every 2-3 hours

Antianxiety

Ive decided im taking myself off my antianxiety medication. I started it last month and while it's been working (quite well actually) I've  gained 10 lbs. And nothing has changed diet/exercise/health wise except for that. I probably should let my doctor know but I'm switching insurances this next month (with my Dad's job changing) so I really don't see the point. I guess I could start another one and see how it affects me for a few weeks?

Feeling bien

Today I've been thinking about how i've been feeling recently. I feel like I am in a good place mentally. I have good friends, I have a plan for school, I am doing well in my classes this term, I have things to look forward to and I'm not stressed about being let go from Netflix. It was actually a really good thing. No more tension headaches, and I get to sleep in a lot more now! I will have to remember that I like to sleep once it comes time to sign up for Fall classes at school and plan classes to not being super early.

I think a huge contributor to feeling good is that I am taking my medication and my body is responding to it, plus I am taking vitamins and then a vitamin D supplement. And it's practically summer time and the sun can put me in a good mood no matter what. I love it when it's sunny outside! And since I have a pool I'll get some rays for sure.

Chat with my therapist

I went down to Salem yesterday to go to my Dr. appt. It was actually with my therapist so we could do a reeval since I havent seen her in over a year. I was happy because it was definitely an ego boost. She said that I was "serene and secure" and had done so much growing since I had seen her last. She said that I seemed comfortable in my own skin and that I had really found who I was. We chatted for an hour and I felt fine the entire time, even though we were talking about "deep" stuff. The last time I was there I was a mess, and she and I laughed about how I was so out of control then. It's good to get the positive reinforcement that I am doing so much better now. I feel good!

Afterward I went to Thai with my Mom and we had a really good meal at Thai Beer, then headed to Craft Warehouse for a bit of browsing on her lunch from work. It's always good to see her.

All in all, the 3 hours I spent there were bien. Lol