Buckling down

Well, this is currently the biggest that I've ever been weight wise. I know that I've had a lot of my plate recently (get it?), but that isn't an excuse. I talked with my friends Kelsey and Katy (who tweets here) over the weekend and decided that I really need to focus on my health and get back into shape.

Part of that is diet, of course. And I don't mean "dieting" per se, but eating healthily and with purpose. Not snacking, or eating out, or getting coffee each morning. The coffees that I love are frappuccinos and mochas, so it's not black coffee or something that might have some benefit.

Yesterday I hit the gym at the new Planet Fitness in my neighborhood that I joined, and I'll be going after work today as well. When I was a Senior in high school and lost 75 lbs I did it by walking for an hour each day on the treadmill after school and watching what I ate. Time to do that again!

I've come to realize that I yo-yo with my weight. That has been hard for me to admit to myself, but it's the truth. I've been literally 100 lbs lighter than I am right now. Under, actually. A 100 lbs weight range is not a healthy one. Obviously I don't want to get down to what I was before, but under 200 would be ideal. And totally doable.

Robert is working out every other day or so, and I am going to make that commitment as well. I really want to push myself into getting healthy again. I'm not comfortable in my own skin at the moment, and none of my clothing fits, so it's time to make a change.

I've done it before and I can do it again! The trick, though, is maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not letting myself slip back into old patterns and become unhealthy again.

Wish me luck!

Down 8 lbs This Month

I’m down 8 lbs so far this month! I started on the 29^th of April, so I guess I have a two day head start on the month. I feel good too; I don’t feel like I’m starving or anything like that. The only thing is that I’m eating mostly stir-fries because I don’t know a lot of vegan dishes. I am going to look up one this week and make it. Last night I cooked a huge stir fry with an entire head of cabbage as a base. I added in raisins, cilantro, pineapple, cashews, green onions, mushrooms and kale. After eating a bowl last night I still have enough for at least 6 meals. It’ll probably last me through this week.

If I keep losing at this rate I might be able to lose 16 lbs this month! My goal was 10, which I’ll easily get to. That’s only 2 more lbs, and I still have two weeks (plus a couple days) before the end of the month. I want to be back to my pre-winter weight by the time I go to Utah. That’s 17.6 lbs. Totally reasonable, considering we don’t leave until the 21^st. I have 5 weeks until then.

Overall, I want to lose 42.6 lbs, but the 17.6 will put me at a good place. 

May Health Goals

Today is the first day of May, so I'm excited that I have a clean start. I actually started my new eating pattern on Monday the 29th. I'm doing gluten-free, corn-free and soy-free veganism. Also nothing processed, no refined sugar, no coffee, no eating out and no desserts. So I'm mainly doing fruits, vegetables, beans and nuts. The one exception that I have is the hummus that's in my fridge since it's plant based and I've already got it.

I'm also adding exercise into the mix as well. Ideally I would work out every day this month, but that's a big commitment! I can try to do it when I get home each day before Robert gets home from work, but that's going to take a lot of effort. I guess it will be worth it though. Last summer, when I was working out with Katy, we did a month of working out every day. We were fiends at it! I wish that we were working out together again. We went to Avas a couple weeks ago and decided to work out together each Monday at 12:45PM but haven't kept up with that. I should text her for next Monday. Robert and I are doing 'Couch to 5k', so we'll be running 3 days a week, and then the other days I can do some cardio after I get home and check the mail & feed the kitties. Then gym, then back home for dinner and cleaning.

My weight has gone up considerably the last few months. 25.6 lbs to be exact! I had worked so hard to get that off and then sorta just got comfortable and started eating junk all the time with Robert. I stopped veganism (that'll be a different post), ate out, ate tons of desserts and didn't watch my portions. Time to stop that! I want to get back to being healthy, working out, and back to the size that I was a couple months ago. Overall, my goal is to lose 50 lbs from where I'm at right now.

For May, my goals are as follows:

- No animal products. It's easy for me to eat healthily while being vegan; I don't have to worry about wanting fatty foods or what the cholesterol/fat content is in things
- No processed foods. That's a pretty good recipe for eating healthily!
- No coffee - I've been getting way too many mochas lately, and they're chocked full of sugar and useless calories.
- No refined sugar - Easy to do since I'm not eating anything processed!
- No gluten/corn/soy - I don't need corn or soy in my diet at all. The gluten is the only stuff I'll miss.
- Watch my portions - Try to eat slowly and take sips of water while I'm eating, plus put less on my plate.
- Do C25K each week - Couch to 5K is a good program and eases you into running a 5k within a good amount of time. Robert and I will be doing the program together, so it'll be more motivating. The app calls for 3 runs per week, which is totally doable.
- Keep a food log - It's really good to see what I'm eating, where my weak spots are and keep sme accountable if I want something that's not-so-good for me.
- No eating after 8PM - That's definitely my weak time and when I want to snack. It was worse when I was living on my own and up all hours of the night, but with someone keeping me accountable it'll be easier. Plus I'm going to bed at 10PM, not 3AM like I used to.

I should be doing all these things anyway, so I should be focusing on the fact that this isn't a punishment or a time of food austerity. The things on the list above (mochas, processed foods, etc) should be an exception, not the norm.

 I can do this! :D

Kate Hudson

Although I didn't get to watch the Golden Globes last night, I got to see all the fashion choices today on my breaks at work. My favorite? The flawless Kate Hudson, who looks amazing. If I was a celebrity lady on the red carpet, this is what I would want to look like.

She'll be my thinspo for February!

24HR Fitness Girl

Today when I came into the gym the girl at the front desk asked "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" I responded "Lay it on me", thinking that it might have to do with sexuality or maybe mutual friends. I didn't really know what else it would be about. She asked "How much weight have you lost?" I responded with "47 pounds." She told me that she could definitely tell and when I walked out of the gym 2 days ago and was watching me and noiced that I had gotten "so tiny!" I was all excited to hear that. It made my day, actually! It's always nice to get positive reinforcement like that.

-45

I am officially down 45 lbs! So excited about that since it's a huge difference. I have 10 lbs to go (exactly) until a major weight goal, then it's only 25 more lbs (possibly) until my ultimate weight goal.

Eating right, veganism, being off sleeping meds, exercising a lot and taking multivitamins and supplements has all combined for that -45, plus motivation and diligence. I am no longer eating home-made french fries or chips + salsa because I know those are binge foods for me. I can't have them and just have a little. Since I know my limits, though, I know it's a good thing to stay away from them.

10 lbs! I'm so close! :D

One month!

In 3 days I'll have made it one month being gluten free and vegan. It really hasn't been that hard, and the last time I weighed (which was at 3 weeks) I had lost 8 lbs this month. That's really exciting! The next couple of days I really need to focus on cardio to make it to my goal of 10 lbs for this month. Totally doable I think! I am also happy that I've made it to my goal of being GF for at least a month. I think I will keep with it for a little while longer, but to be honest it's not something that I am going to stick with. I am going to keep with veganism, but GF is a hassle to do while also doing veganism. Can you imagine ordering in a restaurant? lol.

Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living thing, man will not himself find peace. - Albert Schweitzer

Vegan + Gluten Free

Today I went out to eat a with my friend Ryan [@glacial_till on Twitter] at Cafe Yuum and was pleasantly surprised that the sauce that they used in their bowls is both vegan and gluten free. I got my bowl and then realized that I had forgotten to ask for it without cheese, so I picked off the cheese and really enjoyed it. Eating GF and vegan hasn't been hard at all compared to what I thought it was going to be.

I am preparing a meal at home every other day, which is a lot more often than I was before. I havent really spent money food wise other than on groceries (and an occasional lunch out), which is in contrast to before when I was buying my lunch at school each day. It's also opened me up to new foods since I am wanting to vary my diet in what I'm eating at home. I prepared quinoa for the first time the other day and have made it once again since then.

Last night I made (rice) macaroni noodles, then sauteed fresh onions and mushrooms. I mixed that together and then glazed it all with fat free onion dressing. It tasted very fresh, and was HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) free, gluten free and vegan. Can't go wrong with that!

For my snacks I am eating peanuts, fruit strips, pistachios, rice cakes, granola bars, corn chips with salsa and canned fruit. I think that so far it's going really well, though I am only at the beginning of my stint with this. I really would love to stay vegan for quite some time, but I think the GF part of this is only going to be for a limited time. It's not that I am missing gluten at all, but I'm questioning how sustainable it will be in the long term. Especially with eating at friends houses, etc.

I'm almost at the two week mark, which I am excited for. My goal was one month for being GF and I know I will definitely get there!

Ever since my birthday I've been vegan and gluten free. My goal is to make it at least one month doing both. It will be a week of my food change on Thursday. I am really enjoying it so far, and I am not eating anything that's bad for me. It's really helped me to take a look at what I am putting in my body!

For health's sake, I take a handful of vitamins/supplements each morning:

- Calcium

- One-A-Day vitamin

- Omega 3

- Vitamin B12

- Acai Berry

I'm excited for this change.

30.4 lbs down! I had wanted to be 30 lbs down by the time I went to Utah so that's perfect! I am hitting the gym today and tomorrow, and then on Tuesday I take off for 2.5 weeks. My goal is to not gain anything while I am in UT no holiday. There's no real reason to. Hopefully I can find a gym near by!

Plateau

So I've been doing the vegan thing for a little over a week now. You never realize how many foods you eat have animal products in them until you cut that out! It's good that I am taking a more concentrated look at what I'm putting into my body. I have been on a plateau weight-wise though for the past three weeks. I thought that going vegan would kick me out of that, but that hasn't happened. I think some of why that's happening is because my workouts have definitely gone downhill. Not the quality of them per se, but the frequency. With midterms being this week and last week working out has taken the back burner. I have my last midterm in about 45 minutes, then a coffee date with a friend, then its GYM TIME! I am going to bust out a long cardio routine and then go again tomorrow morning as well. I need to get back into my 7 day a week routine. I am going to get out of this plateau! Luckily I haven't gained any weight at all. It's all within a pound that I'm hovering, so that's not a big deal. By November 14th I want to be 5 lbs more down.

Wish me luck!

Weight + Veganism

I'm down 25.6 lbs so far! I'm way excited about that. My goal is to be down 30 by Halloween, which is completely doable.

I am trying a month of veganism, starting on the 17th. The 13th is actually going to be 4 months of being vegetarian so I would have started it then, but I am going camping with friends that weekend. And I don't want to inconvenience anyone since I think we will be doing some communal food stuffs. I'm interested in trying veganism because I think it's an interesting concept. I don't think that it's necessarily sustainable long term, but I want to try it so that I know that I am talking about in conversation when it comes up. I like being educated on an experience when I am talking about it. Plus I think that it will be good for my body to get a break from animal products for a little while. It will be like a cleanse. Also, it will help me to prepare more food at home and not eat out as much. I am not really doing that anyway, but it will really have me take a look at what I am eating and why I am putting it into my body. I think it will be fun to cook more and try to be creative with food. Plus I know that I am being good to my body, good to the environment and good to animals. This is just a short term experiment but I admire vegans for their belief system and think this will be an interesting experience.

Wish me luck! Oct. 17th --> Nov 18th = vegan.

Insomnia

I really should be putting my insomnia to better use by working on something constructive. So far this night i've watched a documentary, jumped from topic to topic on Wikipedia, texted with my friends until they all slowly fell asleep and then have laid here. I don't want to "work" on something per se because then sleep definitely wont come. I feel like if I'm just laying here with a general sense of apathy sleep might somehow overtake me.

I think the insomnia is a combination of my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), metacognition and guilt. Sometimes I can't seem to remove myself from thinking about sleeping. It's the classic catch-22 in that I know I should be sleeping, so I start to think about what would get me to sleep and start thinking about how long it's taking me to actually fall asleep. I think "Am I sleeping yet? Am I closer to sleep? What physical sensations am I experiencing?" All while the clock ticks by on the wall and I'm thinking "If I fall asleep now I can get 5 hours sleep. But if I don't fall asleep for a half hour I only get 4.5. Thats not enough!" . By thinking about the problem it exacerbates it. In all actuality, thinking about sleeping to begin with and labeling it as a "problem" could be a self fulfilling prophecy. How I envy my mother who thinks there is a problem if she is not asleep within 30 seconds of laying down. She describes falling asleep literally within seconds of her head touching her pillow.

The guilt is from not treating my body well with sleeping patterns. Although I don't sleep during the day and I don't sleep late, I always feel guilty when I am not able to fall asleep til 4 or 5AM. And on tonight it's only worse. What I am mainly worried about is staying up late and pulling all nighters affecting my metabolism. Studies have shown that people who do not get enough sleep or are sleep deprived have slower metabolisms, higher body mass indexes, get sick more often and can have impaired cognitive functioning. (Um. Duh.) I don't want anything to get in the way of me losing weight. Or getting the rest I need for that matter.

Irregardless, tonight is a wash rest wise. Although I havent expended any real energy I'm going to be exhausted today since I havent slept since Saturday night. And that sleep was troubled and I woke up groggy and wanting more. I am excited, though, because I have the Diana Ross concert tonight. That should be a lot of fun!

Utah day 1

So I am in Utah staying at my aunts house with my sister Erika. My Mom, sister and I traveled down yesterday and got here late at night. Today was our first "real" day here and it was fun. I dropped Erika off at the BYU campus so she could visit her friend Casey and then I went to a Thai lunch with some MoHo friends.

We went to My Thai Asian Cuisine in Salt Lake and it was really good. For $10 I got a heaping plate of food that served as both my lunch and dinner. There were 9 of us MoHos there and it was a good group. For those with blogs, we had Scott, Warren, "Hope", "DarkDrearyWilderness" and "AKLDS". Afterward we headed to the Gateway mall and did some shopping and got Starbucks. Of course I got my tall Java Chip Frappuccino light, which means it only had 140 calories.

Between the Thai food and the shopping it was good meeting and catching up with a lot of MoHos. Funnily enough, I had only met Scott before and everyone else I was meeting for the first time in person. I had talked with most everyone online though at some point in time, so it was just like seeing friends again but just in a different dynamic.

After the mall I headed back to the BYU campus to pick Erika up which took an hour and we turned around to head right back to Aunt Lindas house. We settled our things and then took a 2.8 mile walk around the neighborhood. I found a neat way to map the amount of distance you are walking by putting it into gmap-pedometer.com. I saved that onto my favorites so I can easily tell what I am walking while outside. I want to walk more tonight, but it's pitch black out and I don't like walking in the dark. Tomorrow I am going to do that loop three times, so I will have walked almost 9 miles. Whoot.

Now it's bedtime. I had a party that I was invited to tonight but I am tired so Erika and I are unwinding at the house. Tomorrow I have walking in the morning, church at a German ward with my family at 1PM and then hanging out with my friend Taylor, which I am looking forward to. Should be a good day!

Weight

I'm down 21.2 lbs in the past 3 months (to the day)! I am way stoked! I really want to be at 25 before Utah, but I don't know if thats going to be able to happen since I leave on Friday. We shall see though!b

Things on my mind today:

- I'm almost half way done with 'Dude, You're A Fag' for my Gay Mens Portland Book Club group on the 10th. It's not a novel by any means. It's a study, so there is a lot of good information but I really feel like it's a book for a class at school. I would recommend it for someone doing a paper or project on masculinity but I would not recommend it as a read for the layperson. I would have put it down if it wasnt for the book club.

- Tomorrow I am starting to eat salad again. I used to hate it but I've discovered that spinach salads are something I can actually handle. I got no fat dressing (which was hard to find, believe me) so I can put some of that on without a problem. I'll add some low fat feta cheese as well for some protein. I was going to the gym every single day but when I took my trip to Salem to visit the family a few days ago I didnt go while I was down there. So tomorrow I am getting back on the wagon and doing a daily double at 24 HR fitness along with eating super healthy.

- Today being a holiday put a cramp in my plans. I couldnt fill my prescriptions at Target because they were closed, couldnt pick up the holds that I have at the library and couldnt go to the bank. But tomorrow I am going to do all of those along with dusting off all my books and cleaning my car so I will feel accomplished when they are finished.

- My phone is supposed to arrive tomorrow. I've been without one for 3 days now and I am excited to be getting another one. It had finally given up the ghost as it wouldnt take a charge anymore. They tested the battery and cords at TMobile and determined that it was the actual phone. When I tried to use my backup phone it wouldnt work for the first time for me either, so I took that as a sign and didnt try to get a spare from TMobile for the few days without one. They offered me an old one, but I didnt really want to bother with all that. When the new ones comes Ill just slip over my SIM card and then everything will be up and running again. At least I hope.That would really blow if my apps didnt go over and I had to redownload everything.

- I'm heading to Utah in less than two weeks. I'm going to be reading to and from there on the drive, so that will be good with my reading list. I'm going to need to get my plans in order once things get closer so that I wont have a ton of down time. Though Erika and I will be spending the night at my Aunt Lindas house so we can play games and such there. I've organized a MoHo lunch (Thai, of course) and am hanging out with a few different friends, including Gay @ BYU.

10th weigh in

I weigh in in just 3 days! I'm both nervous and excited for it. I know that if i've lost weight then I will be motivated to keep going but if I havent lost anything then I am going to lose a lot of my motivation and be upset. Although I know weight is not particularly indicative of health, I still want to see those numbers go down. I havent been eating out and I've been going to the gym almost every day, so thats definitely good. I feel much better and I think I am starting to tell a difference in how I look. Those last two changes are much better indicators of health and progress so I know I should focus on those but I really want to see those numbers on the scale go down.

The 10th also marks two months of eating no meat, which I gave up cold turkey (pun intended). I also havent drank any animal milk, so instead of regular dairy I am drinking soy milk. I feel good knowing that I am making a better choice for my body.

Wish me luck!

New & Old Roomie

Today I did weights (arms) and then 1 hr of cardio. After going home to help my new roomie move in then I am going to go back and do another hour of cardio. So today will be 2 hours of cario and weights.

Speaking of the new roomie, she's moving in today. The old one moved out, which is a huge relief. The irony is that I wanted things to work out with her but everyone told me I shouldn't move in with her. Every single mutual friend that we had together told me that she was bad news bears but I thought "Maybe she's matured. Maybe it will be different than she's left every other living situation that she's had." Unfortunately not. Everyone told me that it would ruin our friendship and that it was a mistake, but I didnt listen. Now we are no longer friends and she's moved out early. Am I sad? Not about her moving out. It's a huge relief actually. I am sad, though, that our friendship is over. We have years and years of history together. 10 years to be exact.

She said that she "couldnt take" living there any longer with how the living situation was. I am not really sure what she was talking about and when I asked her to explain she just got angry. I don't play music, I didnt have people over (thats what happens when you have no furniture!), I dont keep odd hours, I am very clean, I provided all the kitchen utensils and appliances, I drove her to and from work on many occasions and never asked (or received) any gas money, I cleaned up after her... I'm not really sure what she found fault in. And I didnt rub cleaning up after her in her face either.

Let's take for example when I went to Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago. When I left the trash was almost full. And let me preface the beginning of this story with the fact that the old roomie had taken out the trash all of three times with the year that we lived there. I came back from vacation and the trash was overflowing. There were dirty dishes in the sink. The cats had not been fed or watered. The mail had not been checked. The apt had not been cleaned in any way. I vacuumed, washed the counters, did the dishes, checked the mail, fed and watered the cats and straightened up. When I ran into "X" in the hallway I said "X, do you mind taking out the trash? I think it's your turn."

Reminders:

1. The times X has taken out the trash could be counted on one hand.

2. I had been on vacation, meaning that I hadnt even been contributing to the trash.

3. Nothing else had been done in the apt.

4. I cleaned up everything else in the apt without mentioning anything.

5. I asked in a nice way for something that I shouldnt even have to ask about.

So you would assume that X would take out the trash right? Bahaha. Apparently, in "X language", what I did was an assault on her and meant I was attacking her viciously. Ensue meltdown and anger from her side.

Now, someone could argue that I had created an environment where I enabled her to be lazy. True? Absolutely. The fact of the matter was that I really didnt mind cleaning up after her and keeping the house in order. I don't splash bleach over the walls and vacuum every night; I just like it when there isnt garbage on the floor (like there was when I got home). So when I asked her to do something small, in a nice way, apparently that was such a departure from what she was expecting that that meant she needed to react in the way she did.

This is something that was the straw that broke the camels back for her. Me giving her rides, cleaning the apt and keeping quiet in my room was something that drove her away. I was out of control, right? I'm not saying we didnt have other issues. There was the fact that she hadnt paid the PGE bill in 6 months when I paid all the other bills. They were supposed to even out to about $50 each month so she took care of that and I did the other utilities. There was the fight about when she "forgot" to change the cat litter when I went on vacation even though I specifically asked her to and one of the cats ended up having a mess in the living room (which I cleaned up). There was the issue of when she insisted on being my date for Kurt's wedding and then decided not to go but didnt tell me until I was walking out the door to go to the temple (and I had to ask her instead of her coming to me). So it's not like this was her moving out over a bag of trash. It was a lot of little things.

I'm happy to see her go. I don't want to have to call and make sure the bills are paid each month. When someone says "I paid the bill" I expect that to be the truth. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells all the time. I don't want someone that only talks to me when they want rides, then never offer (even once) to chip in for gas or say "thank you". I want someone that helps out sometimes with cleaning. It will be nice to have someone that isn't volatile and angry all the time.

So the new roomie moves in tonight. I'm excited and relieved. For sure.

Thinsportion for my next 5 lbs will be.. drumroll please...

Taylor Smith's arms. Don't they look awesome? I think she is just too darn cute with her cat-like eyes, svelte figure and blonde hair. I'm all about those things! haha

15 lbs down

I'm 15 lbs down in the last 1.5 months. Thats exactly on track with the 10 lbs per month that I want to lose. I want to do 5 more by the 10th, which I think is completely doable. That will put me at 20 lbs lost in 2 months. I am going to work hard at it. I did 1 hour 40 min of cardio today, then I have weights and cardio tomorrow at noon with Katy and my own cardio regimen tomorrow night.