So I went camping this weekend with some of the MoHos. Our little troop was Chris, Ryan and Josh. I use the word 'troop' with some meaning behind it because the experience really took me back to my Boy Scout days. I had some anxiety surrounding it, but I thought that it would be a good experience for me to work through. I like putting myself in situations that are going to push me to grow. The reason I was anxious is that I remember being at scout camp or on campouts where I had come in on a three-way friendship that had existed since childhood and I was the awkward fourth. I really wanted to be included and involved but often I would be relegated to the adults tent if there wasn't room. I'd always be on the edge with all of our sleeping bags and had to try hard to interject myself into the conversation and plans. I know that things are of course perspective based, so even in my adolescence I was wondering if I was projecting too many of my insecurities on to the situation, but a conversation at the end of 6th grade where the friendship ringleader told me they excluded me on purpose let me know that I wasnt just imagining it all. Of course, in my naivety for relationships I tried harder to be included. We had Scouts, church and mutual together and they were the only ones my age so they were the only ones that I would have been able to connect with.
The camping trip coming up made me think of those things when I hadnt in years. Even though I am an adult and am very comfortable in the relationships that I've formed, thinking about "camping" as an abstract conjured those thoughts. Am I going to have to sleep on the edge? Will I be included in the conversation? Do these guys really want me to come?
Of course once I got there that wasnt a problem and I mentally shelved those Boy Scout experiences. We cooked smores on the fire, took photos of the beautiful lake and chatted for a few hours. The 4 of us all crammed into a 2 man tent. I was on the edge (though I didnt associate any feelings with that), and the only reason I mention it is because it was the worst spot ever. It leaked from both the side and the top. I felt like I was being waterboarded. I woke up around 2AM completely soaked through my bag and my clothes. Ryan gave me his sleeping bag, because he was all toasty in the middle of the other guys, so I had a dry bag... for another hour. It soaked through as well, so I laid there in the dark being dripped on, crammed up against the side, wet and cold. I vowed in the dark to never go camping again as long as I lived. (Because thats not dramatic, right?) When we woke up in the morning I was like "Lets get out of here NOW." hahah. We all had a good laugh about it when I described my experience as "The worst night of my life plus a thousand days in hell." It's mostly that I just like kidding around about things.
All in all, it was fun because of the company. I didnt have any anxiety whatsoever about not being included because I am confident in myself now and much better socially. I can maneuver a social situation without a problem and would consider myself quick on my feet and easy to adapt conversationally. I should also take into consideration that we are guys in our 20s and 30s rather than having to deal with the relational aggression and immaturity of middle school and high school. It was fun joking around with my friends and having a good time out in the woods.
To be honest, though, I don't like camping. I was cold and wet the entire time. I hate packing the stuff back up and being wet and grimy. I think that if I were able to camp and stay dry and be able to sleep on a pad in the middle of a tent (in warm weather) I might feel differently about it, but at this point im going to have to pass on future camping invitations. I was laying there thinking "Why the heck am I out in the woods, soaked to the bone and not able to sleep, when I have a warm bed and a kitty to cuddle with back at home?"
Konrad camping = not a happy camper.
