This week has probably been the worst week of dating that I’ve
had in quite some time. Perhaps the worst week I’ve ever had dating wise. The irony in that is that I’ve only actually
been on one date and that all of my bad experiences this week have had to do with
veganism.
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Guy #1:
So first of all a guy named Josh writes me on Grindr. He's from the coast and honestly stunning. We talked about movies, books, morals, downtime activities, the beach, you name it. It was totally simpatico. We became Facebook friends so we could see more of each other's photos. As we're texting after becoming friends on there, he asks "So are you like some kind of greenie?" I hadn't ever heard that term before, so I said "What does that mean?" He said "You know, like someone that cares about the environment and recycles and stuff." I said "Well, yeah, I care about the environment and recycle." He was like "Oh." I thought I knew what he was getting at, so I said "Well, I'm not one of those people with dreads who live downtown and don't shave. I don't have gauges or wear burlap. But I am vegan." He didn't respond for quite a while and said "That's just weird." Previously he had told me that he hunted and fished and that was a big part of his life.
Even though I'm vegan and don't support or condone hunting/fishing, it's not really any worse than buying meat at the store. In fact, it's probably more sustainable and better for the environment. I just could never kill another living being. If other people do that, that's their business. I didn't say anything about what I thought about hunting or fishing to him. I didn't even bring up my thoughts on animal treatment whatsoever.
I texted him back, but he didn't return my texts again. He was all gung-ho about meeting until he found out about my plant-eating ways.
Guy #2:
This guy was the one that I wrote about the other day where he killed his roommate's fish by dumping bleach in their tank. He's probably shoveling transients into a shallow grave as I type this. For a refresher of that date, you can see the post here.
Guy #3:
We met online and talked through the week for an hour or two each night. He seemed like a fun gun, though he definitely had some quirks. I had mentioned that I was vegan at some point or another and he was always like "that's weird." It didn't phase me at all because I honestly don't really care if people think it's weird or not. On the last night of us talking, he asked "So why are you vegan?" I told him that there are three prongs to my reasoning: First, my health. Second, environmental sustainability. Third, compassion for animals. I gave a brief overview of each one and why it meant something to me, and for some reason that sparked him. He got super angry and completely went off, yelling about how I was "wrong", "delusional" and "had no idea what [I was] talking about." I told him that he was the one that had asked me, and the only thing I had done was explain my reasoning and not talk about anyone else's choices. I also said that I didn't need to justify my choices or validate my life through him and I am perfectly fine with my reasoning. He then hung up on me, which is an automatic deal breaker in my book (though him flying off the handle was as well). He did end up texting to apologize a few days later, but I have no interest in someone like that.
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Needless to say, this week was pretty disconcerting dating wise. I called my best friend and chatted with her about it and she helped to ground me. I realized in talking through it that I had not done anything wrong. I do believe in my reasons for staying vegan and I am the least judgmental person when it comes to what other people eat. How can I judge? I ate meat for my entire life up until 1.5 years ago and most people haven't put in the time and effort into researching veganism that I have. I haven't walked in someone else's shoes, so I really can't say if their decision are "right" or "wrong". That's all subjective anyway. What's right to me isn't necessarily right to someone else.
I don't preach, I don't make comments on other people's food, and I don't shove my ideas down other people's throats. I post stuff on facebook, but that's a forum for people to look at things if they're interested in it. If they aren't it's just like anything else on the internet: just don't click on it.
I think it's really unfortunate that people are so closed minded when it comes to me eating differently than them, and I also think it's very ironic. The general assumption is that vegans are super judgmental about everyone else, but the only thing I've found is that other people are judging me. Ironic much. I guess it's good that the judgmental ones are getting weeded out, because what I eat shouldn't really be a deal breaker in my opinion. I wouldn't want to date someone that expected me to conform to their beliefs just because.
I'm reminded of an article from TODAY.COM that found 30% of meat eaters won't date a vegetarian. Yes, I know this comes from an entertainment site and it's not a peer reviewed article. They also only asked people on one dating website, even though their pool of respondents was 4000. So this isn't something set in stone. But that floored me. 30% is really high! And that's just for vegetarians; I'm vegan! Interestingly enough, only 4% of vegetarians said they wouldn't date meat eaters. Anyone see who's really doing the judging here? Ever since I've read this I've been discouraged. Why, might you ask?
At the very best estimate, 10% of the American population identifies as homosexual.
For homosexual males (to which I am attracted), that would mean 5% of the population. That's already a pretty low number of viable candidates
Here's where the math takes on a "guesstimate" format, but here goes:
Of those 5% of gay males, maybe half are dating someone. That's 2.5% who are available. Then only 70% of those people are going to be ok with just vegetarianism? What about veganism?
What about the other caveats of people I could date: Men under 30? With a stable job? With a car? That don't do drugs? That brings the dating pool down to like .00005% of the population. And that's not even talking about whether our personalities mesh or what our interests are. When women say "all the good ones are gay" I find it incredibly naive and somewhat offensive.
Anyway, the moral of the story? I shouldn't have to give up my beliefs to be with someone, and I'm not going to. I am doing what's right for me and eventually I'd like to be with someone that respects that.
Here's hoping I don't end up a crazy cat lady.
I texted him back, but he didn't return my texts again. He was all gung-ho about meeting until he found out about my plant-eating ways.
Guy #2:
This guy was the one that I wrote about the other day where he killed his roommate's fish by dumping bleach in their tank. He's probably shoveling transients into a shallow grave as I type this. For a refresher of that date, you can see the post here.
Guy #3:
We met online and talked through the week for an hour or two each night. He seemed like a fun gun, though he definitely had some quirks. I had mentioned that I was vegan at some point or another and he was always like "that's weird." It didn't phase me at all because I honestly don't really care if people think it's weird or not. On the last night of us talking, he asked "So why are you vegan?" I told him that there are three prongs to my reasoning: First, my health. Second, environmental sustainability. Third, compassion for animals. I gave a brief overview of each one and why it meant something to me, and for some reason that sparked him. He got super angry and completely went off, yelling about how I was "wrong", "delusional" and "had no idea what [I was] talking about." I told him that he was the one that had asked me, and the only thing I had done was explain my reasoning and not talk about anyone else's choices. I also said that I didn't need to justify my choices or validate my life through him and I am perfectly fine with my reasoning. He then hung up on me, which is an automatic deal breaker in my book (though him flying off the handle was as well). He did end up texting to apologize a few days later, but I have no interest in someone like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Needless to say, this week was pretty disconcerting dating wise. I called my best friend and chatted with her about it and she helped to ground me. I realized in talking through it that I had not done anything wrong. I do believe in my reasons for staying vegan and I am the least judgmental person when it comes to what other people eat. How can I judge? I ate meat for my entire life up until 1.5 years ago and most people haven't put in the time and effort into researching veganism that I have. I haven't walked in someone else's shoes, so I really can't say if their decision are "right" or "wrong". That's all subjective anyway. What's right to me isn't necessarily right to someone else.
I don't preach, I don't make comments on other people's food, and I don't shove my ideas down other people's throats. I post stuff on facebook, but that's a forum for people to look at things if they're interested in it. If they aren't it's just like anything else on the internet: just don't click on it.
I think it's really unfortunate that people are so closed minded when it comes to me eating differently than them, and I also think it's very ironic. The general assumption is that vegans are super judgmental about everyone else, but the only thing I've found is that other people are judging me. Ironic much. I guess it's good that the judgmental ones are getting weeded out, because what I eat shouldn't really be a deal breaker in my opinion. I wouldn't want to date someone that expected me to conform to their beliefs just because.
I'm reminded of an article from TODAY.COM that found 30% of meat eaters won't date a vegetarian. Yes, I know this comes from an entertainment site and it's not a peer reviewed article. They also only asked people on one dating website, even though their pool of respondents was 4000. So this isn't something set in stone. But that floored me. 30% is really high! And that's just for vegetarians; I'm vegan! Interestingly enough, only 4% of vegetarians said they wouldn't date meat eaters. Anyone see who's really doing the judging here? Ever since I've read this I've been discouraged. Why, might you ask?
At the very best estimate, 10% of the American population identifies as homosexual.
For homosexual males (to which I am attracted), that would mean 5% of the population. That's already a pretty low number of viable candidates
Here's where the math takes on a "guesstimate" format, but here goes:
Of those 5% of gay males, maybe half are dating someone. That's 2.5% who are available. Then only 70% of those people are going to be ok with just vegetarianism? What about veganism?
What about the other caveats of people I could date: Men under 30? With a stable job? With a car? That don't do drugs? That brings the dating pool down to like .00005% of the population. And that's not even talking about whether our personalities mesh or what our interests are. When women say "all the good ones are gay" I find it incredibly naive and somewhat offensive.
Anyway, the moral of the story? I shouldn't have to give up my beliefs to be with someone, and I'm not going to. I am doing what's right for me and eventually I'd like to be with someone that respects that.
Here's hoping I don't end up a crazy cat lady.
